We know we can’t control the future, yet we don’t act as if that isn’t true.  Maybe we don’t want to believe it.  

I look at my need-to-know like a walk through misty woods. I ALWAYS WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS COMING NEXT.  BUT I RARELY DO.

• Sometimes the mist is heavy & sometimes light.
• Sometimes it hides the obstacle in front of me.
• Sometimes I lose my way & sometimes I see clearly.

I can try to anticipate what is coming, maybe by going off the beaten path.  Maybe by running faster to anxiously see what is over the next hill.  But usually, I trip over something or get lost entirely.  I trip and get lost a lot when I’m rushing.

But when I PATIENTLY stand still…when I let be what is, I create a space for all of my actions, reactions, interpretations, and feelings.

1. LETTING GO – When I brave letting go

1. I don’t avoid by ‘rushing around:’ which is a way to avoid what we feel.
2. I allow vulnerability. 
3. I accept that uncertainty is the heritage of all human beings.
4. I can accept all with peace.

Acceptance begins by asking if we give away what we want to control.

Clinging to something that we don’t have power over is DIS-empowering.  We’re putting our energy/power into something we can’t affect. 

The empowering option is to compassionately & slowly consider our need to control those things (or know what’s coming) & ask some questions:

2. QUESTION IT – Questions For My Need To Control  

1. How many times has “control” or worry produced the effect I wanted?
2. What kind of effect is this having on my relationships?
3. How many times have I realized that worry or attempts to control didn’t change an outcome?
4. How is this strategy making me feel about myself?
5. Is this how I want to keep feeling in life?

Questioning allows us to discover WHY we want control.

When we meet our triggers, our brain’s first response is to anxiously figure out a solution to the thought we’re having so we don’t have to feel the sadness it’s bringing up.

This ultimately makes me more anxious & angry.

It’s like we tell our brains that sadness is dangerous:

But, when we patiently let ourselves feel a little sad, we’re able to soothe the pain and not get anxious.  It’s not so scary.  You can handle being a little sad, right?

By accepting the discomforts we meet on the path of life, we slow things down enough to choose how we want to respond to them.

That results in feeling far less anger or fear.

Yes.  It is scary.  We’re certain if we stopped “controlling” everything, our lives would fall apart.  We want to hold onto all of our “controlling” strategies because we’ve convinced ourselves those strategies work.

But let’s think about that.  Do they?

How good do you feel trying to affect every outcome or micro-manage the events in your life or the lives of others?  Do you feel happier or safer?

3. ALLOWING

Even if changes are necessary, allowing the undesirable circumstance to “be” what it is, is NOT the same as enduring it or suffering its existence.

Acceptance does not mean a lack of change.

You can still change the things you want to change in your life.  You can still set goals to achieve & change your results if you want to.

But until you get the change you want, you can also opt to let your current less-than-desirable experience simply Belong instead of resisting or getting angry at where you are now or trying to “know” what’s going to happen next.

 

 

But if I accept “what is,” doesn’t that mean I won’t get past this?

We think that accepting our circumstances will disincentivize us to try to change it, but I ask myself, is beating myself and my energies into the ground inspiring me?  Changing involves some pain and discomfort, but we can’t suffer or beat ourselves into change.  

Shame & blame makes moving forward more difficult, take longer & usually end up in the change not sticking or being sustainable.  

4. MOTIVATION – Two Types of Motivation

There are two kinds of motivation: moving toward something & away from something.  Our brains prefer to move toward something.

Moving Away:  Shaming ourselves is a moving-away motivation:  When you say, “I shouldn’t do that.” the incentive is to move away from something.
Moving Toward:  When you say, “I prefer to do this.” the incentive is to move toward something.  That shift in your focus is just the type of motivation that moves us forward & motivates your brain into action for longer periods of time.

Resisting or judging ourselves for our circumstances results in those feelings hanging on tighter or yelling louder to get our attention.  It’s an overused statement, but the truth is:  What we resist persists.  

science moment:

Here’s a little example of what our brains hear when we operate out of acceptance versus when we operate out of resistance:

5. NATURE – Take it to the Trees:

I didn’t know him long, but my father taught me how to have patience by communicating with nature. When we were in the woods, he taught me to stop and listen to hear what I couldn’t hear before. Stop and look so I could see what I couldn’t see before.

I still learn from those moments.  

When I want to speed through life or get ahead or get even, I stop and listen. I create space for wonder; about myself, my responses, my surroundings. I CAN SEE AND HEAR AGAIN. Wiser words and wiser choices become available. I’ve tapped into the patience of accepting.  

THE MORE WE EXPAND OUR VISION, THE MORE WE CONNECT WITH OUR ABILITIES.  We place vast limits on our intellect when we control, endure, rush and resist.

6. ACCEPTANCE – Facing The Fear of Letting Go

We associate letting go of the need to know with fear, yet we never ‘knew’ anything for certain in the first place.  

We think resisting what is or controlling what is to come (which we aren’t) keeps us from being harmed, but it’s actually keeping us from being free.  

We think of patience as a burden, yet it frees us from our burden.  It is a virtue, not in moralistic terms, but rather in a practical way.  Patience is the ADVANTAGE we give ourselves of just noticing – without judgment – & being right where we are.

Patience lights the path in front of us.  Every time we practise letting go, we put down a heavy burden.  “Good” & “Bad” become neutralized.

Layer by layer, I keep taking off my need to know and step more slowly.

AS I SLOW DOWN, I SEE THE PATH IS GETTING CLEARER.
THE IDEA OF MY ONE RIGHT WAY IS BEGINNING TO DISSOLVE INTO THE MIST.

 

🎁 A GIFT: 
Stay connected & learn more ways to produce thoughts that heal, not hurt you right here:  Unravel Your Exhausted Mind   🎁

Check out:
Articles on why we crave control:  Understanding Control

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Accept The Things You Cannot Change.

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Sneaky Ways Fear is Holding You Back. 6 Ways To Face Your Fears

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