gET AN ACTION-ORIENTED GUIDE
TO reduce your Exhaustion
& be encouraged weekly.

A MUST-ADD!
Sign up & Radically
Reduce Negative Thinking.  

Reclaim your confidence

Better Thoughts Start Here.

    Self Worth

    Make Confident Choices & Stop Regretting So Much!

    CHOICE-TESS-RENE-MAKE-THE-WRONG-CHOICE

    No Time now? 
    Save it for later:   

    g+

    I'm Tess,

    MASTER CERTIFIED COACH,
    AUTHOR, RESEARCHER &
    CREATIVE-PASSIONATE MUSICIAN
    WHO SPEAKS FROM HER HEART & RESEARCH PSYCHOLOGY BACKGROUND.


    hi there!

    yes please!

    Want My Free Training?

    Blog Categories

    MORE ABOUT TESS

    You have some change you'd like to create & healing you want to explore. My job is to help you master both.

    Free e-book

    Turning exhaustion
    into energy...

    Download Here

    Question:  how many moments can you count when you thought you made the wrong choice?

    Sometimes, we wish we could go back in time & change a decision:  we think we took the easy way out of something, we chose this job, house, neighbourhood, relationship, school…& later determine it was the wrong choice, we don’t like the motivation we had when we made a choice & spend time wishing we could go back & change it.

    We’ve all been there; you aren’t alone in any of those regrets.

    There’s nothing wrong with questioning our circumstances. It’s how we assess where we want to be.  But judging ourselves for being in the circumstance is not helpful & not the way to move forward.

    Here’s what happens when we don’t like the result of our choice & then make it mean something about ourselves:

    • You lose your job – conclusion: That makes you a loser.
    • A relationship fails – conclusion: That makes you a failure.
    • You eat too much sugar – conclusion: You have no willpower.

     

    We forget to question the validity of that conclusion & call it a fact without further examination. “Because I didn’t keep my promise to myself to “____,” it means “____” about me.”  

    A “wrong choice” does not define who you are.
    Your decisions aren’t the de facto portrayal of your character.

    Our choices play a role in forming us. I’m not saying otherwise.  

    But that is not the end of the story.

    “I am who I am today because of the choices I made yesterday.” Elanor Roosevelt

    This quote has always unsettled me.  It says two things –  On the one hand, it’s very empowering: It’s the affirmation that we can choose a new path & make the changes we want to make.  We can indeed change how we experience life through our choices.   

    On the other hand, read in a different light; that phrase can communicate the very mistaken idea that our choices yesterday define who we ARE today.  

    I’m sure the latter was not the intention of the honourable former first lady.  And hey, I’m not going toe-to-toe with Elanor Roosevelt, but I know a lot of people who interpret their results to mean something terrible about them. So, seen from that perspective, it remains to be said: 

    I DON’T BUY THAT.

    Our choices result in experiences that shape & influence us, but they do not define or permanently represent who we are.  Why?  Because we don’t exist in a permanent state.

    I MADE-THE-WRONG-CHOICE Quotes

    Give yourself some grace.  Your choices don’t label, establish or affix you to one place. Instead, they are a reflection of your current & ever-changing preferences.  

    Add to that, there are many reasons beyond our control that create the circumstances we find ourselves in. 

    Personal Moment:

    I live in a rental.  There was a time I felt like a failure for not yet owning a home.  I had not met the requirements about the life I had decided I was “supposed” to be living by the time I was “supposed” to be living it.

    Worse yet, I live in a fancy neighbourhood.  They own, I rent. “Clearly,” my conclusion used to be, “I don’t belong in this neighbourhood.”  

    I made the circumstance define my value & what I “deserved” to have or not to have.  If I’d taken a step back, however, I would have seen the reality was different.  I had many GOOD reasons for not being a homeowner today:

    • Many years ago, homeownership was not a high priority.
    • I made a conscious decision to take in a bit less income to purchase more time for my family.  
    • I knew I might delay homeownership as a result. 
    •  The time I needed was worth delaying homeownership to me.

     

    Homeownership eventually became a higher priority; however, earlier in my life, it wasn’t. Therefore, deciding NOW that my choice THEN was wrong is neither fair on me nor an accurate portrayal of the facts.    

    Because the fact is, I didn’t make the wrong choice.  I was respecting my needs at that time.  I had a different preference then.  

    CHOICES-TESS-RENE-MAKE-WRONG-CHOICE

    Reasons you are not defined by your “wrong” choice:

    1.  We change

    We are changing beings with changing preferences.  For the rest of our lives, we are going to be changing course. As long as we are growing, thoughtful and curious humans, we will try many different hats.

    2.  We have changing preferences

    Trust the decisions you have made were for your greater good at the time.  If you now desire a different outcome, you didn’t mess up your life.  You changed your preferences & that is a natural, human thing.

    Eventually, we ALWAYS arrive at a point where we have different priorities.  That is not something to judge poorly; it’s something to judge well.  We were taking care of ourselves by listening to the needs & preferences we had at that time.

    3.  We learn

    Our decision may have created a scenario we don’t like. But that only means we either had more to learn or we changed our preferences. But, somehow, we’ve gotten the message that we are supposed to know everything & if we don’t, that means we are losers.

    Neither the choice you made nor its consequence defines you.  It simply means you may have more to learn in that area – just like every other imperfect human being on the planet.

    4.  We need compassion

    When we see we can only do our best at any given time: it’s understandable why we make our choices – they are the only ones available at that time.

    5.  Hindsight is not 20/20

    It is just as unfair to make our choices mean something about our worth as using hindsight to decide we made the wrong choice. That’s not being wrong. That’s being human.  Remember those changing preferences?

    You think yesterday’s choice was wrong.  However, yesterday you thought it was a great idea. So give past-you the grace & the credit she/he/they do deserve.

    My circumstance doesn’t define me, even if my choice led me there. My worthiness is not contingent on any decision, event, job, relationship, hobby or house.  

    If you don’t love where you are at because of your choices, trust that you made the best choice possible for you at the time, given what you knew at the time.

    6.  Our conclusions don’t always reflect reality  

    We revise history (usually) to our detriment & not based on reality.  We make a choice that we don’t like the outcome of & often the conclusion we tell ourselves is: “See, I never make the right decision.  I always get it wrong.  Why can’t I ever get it right?” etc…

    This is letting our circumstances define who we are.  We are saying that where ever we find ourselves in life reflects the definition of our being.  

    The reality is: I decided on something in the past that led to an intended or unintended consequence.  Now I want different things. That’s usually all the reality there is. 

    The result of your choice is a part of your journey, not a part of you. 

    You’re not done.  You have more journey left in you to make a different choice in the future.  

    You never have to be defined by any one moment.

    Tess Rene Schultz Regret Article

    7.  WE AREN’T WIZARDS

    No one has a crystal ball.  Not you, not I can see into the future, either to anticipate consequences or to foresee our changing needs, wants & desires.

    We make decisions based on what we know at the time.  We don’t ever intend to cause harm to ourselves & we never intentionally set out to make the “wrong” choice.
    E. V. E. R.

    Related Posts:

    Why Am I So Indecisive? Finding Our Self-Trust.

    How To Stop Stressing About The Future.

    Accept The Things You Cannot Change.

    All Posts in the category:
    Understanding Control 

    What are your thoughts about your own choices?
    Are there some you may regret?
    Can you look at some from a new perspective?
    Is there room for more compassion?

    Cheering you on,

    Cheering you on,

    Tess

    Tess

    Know someone who could benefit?
    Share this article with a friend:

    Know someone who could benefit?  Share this article with a friend:

    Your Voice Matters,
    Tell me what helped:

    (Use any questions above as prompts)

    Leave a Reply

    Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

    A Gift
       to you...

    A Gift                to you...

    Our thoughts are sneaky.  They can drain our ENERGY & our CONFIDENCE.  Find out how they cause your fatigue & learn to create more energy & confidence within yourself. 

    download here

    SWIPE YOUR checklist FOR 11 super-simple Thought changing habits you can use TODAY.

    A how-to on finding MORE energy...

    Unravel Your Negative Thoughts

    You don't have to miss the moments in your life because of the thoughts in your mind. 

    Our thoughts are sneaky. They can drain our ENERGY & our CONFIDENCE. Find out how they cause your fatigue & learn to create more energy & confidence within yourself.

    "Margi's guide was kick-ass indeed and quite literally changed how I show up on social." - Jen Olmstead

    oh la la!

    Get Our Free Guide to Kicking Ass on Social

    Taiyaki occupy farm-to-table swag fashion axe four loko. Church-key palo santo selvage helvetica iceland tumblr.

    Name

    Email

    GET THAT DOWNLOAD

    tea OBSESSED, infj, hsp, former OVERACHIEVER,  lIFE COACH, MUSICIAN, NATURE LOVER. 

    Hi, I'm Tess.
    Your New Ally +Mindset Coach.

    Consider me your Compassionate Motivator, on hand Science-of-the-Mind Researcher & fellow human who's been there. 


    work with tess

    When you are craving change, you want someone in your corner cheering you on, but You Might Also want a proven system that works. 

    When you are craving change & life isn't supporting you, sometimes you need someone in your corner cheering you on.  

    Read the Blog & leave some comments. Tell me what landed with you or what you want more of. 

    Read the Blog. Leave some comments. Tell me what landed with you. Whether or not you know it yet, the world needs what you have. Stick with me.   I will teach you IT IS POSSIBLE to value the one person you must - YOU!      

    But You Might Also want a proven system that works.

    Stick with me.  I will teach you IT IS POSSIBLE to value the one person you must - YOU!      

    DEDICATED TO THE SMALL STEPS THAT MAKE BIG CHANGE & STRAIGHT-TALK ON THE STUFF THAT MATTERS.

    Copyright © 2020-2021 Tess René Schultz | All rights reserved | Legal |

    More Inspo from tess here:

    Download Here