Massive perspective change is possible in just two small words: “can’t” & “don’t.”
Our brains hear “can’t” and “don’t” COMPLETELY differently.
We can get stuck in what we can and “can’t” do. It’s a natural protective response. Our brain wants to preserve our life. Anything outside of what we have experienced is considered a threat because it sees novelty as dangerous. It doesn’t know if we will survive a new situation.
That’s why our brains like concepts & language that prevent change. It’s also why we find it so easy to say that we “can’t” do something. It takes away the option of trying & thus the “danger” of the unknown.
How your brain hears ‘don’t’:
The psychological effect of ‘don’t’ is experienced as a choice. It is empowering & affirming. A sign of our determination & decisive action.
It sounds like a strength. When you say “I don’t” eat chips after 9:00 pm, it sounds like a confident affirmation to your mind, versus saying “I can’t” eat chips after 9:00 pm. Hear the difference?
Consider too that things you say you “can’t” do, you may not value. You may think that you “can’t” travel, but have you stopped to consider that you “don’t” travel because you choose to put your money and time into something more important to you?
How your brain hears ‘can’t’:
The psychological effect of ‘can’t‘ is disempowering & debilitating. It leads to hopelessness & uncertainty in our capacity to effect change.
It sounds like a restriction being placed upon us removing our power to create, take action or resource options.
But very often, “I can’t” is also not true. OFTEN, WE CAN. We just may choose not to…usually for reasons we aren’t yet aware of, such as not knowing our values as in the example above. This is why perspective change is so powerful.
For the times that we can’t do something, there is still ALWAYS a choice. Even when one door closes and we can’t go through it, we can OWN OUR CHOICES by talking about the circumstance differently. We can also EXCERCISE OUR OPTIONS by finding other ways to approach the situation.
Here are a couple of Script Lists on what to say to yourself in such a circumstance & how to make a change when your options are limited.
Scripts For Perspective Change:
- You choose to, or you choose not to do something.
- You don’t know how to, or you’ll find out how to do something.
- You don’t want to or aren’t ready to do something.
- You don’t truly value this choice, thus it’s not a viable option.
- You aren’t ready for this choice & you TRUST yourself to know when you are.
Doesn’t that perspective change sound more like you own your life?
This is not denial – sometimes a circumstance removes some of our options, but there are always other options to create or find in every situation. 👇🏻
- You can get clear on what is important to you,
- Focus on ‘what’ not ‘how’,
- Start small,
- Create accountability for yourself,
- Stay open to the possibilities you’ve been resisting,
- Find out WHY you’ve been resisting,
- Get aware of self-defeating thoughts & challenge them,
- Choose intentionally to let things go,
- Don’t focus on time lost or time spent,
- Resource help you hadn’t tried before.
All of these choices give you options and agency in your life.
“Don’t” we all want that instead?
Accept The Things You Cannot Change.
How To Stop Stressing About The Future.
Make Confident Choices & Stop Regretting So Much!
The Habits of Indecision That Are Killing Your Self-Trust.