Our ego isn’t our enemy, but if not directed, it doesn’t help us either.  Ego isn’t about being a narcissist or self-absorbed; it’s about protection:

Your ego preserves the current image you have of yourself.

It stops any changes to that image, including “good” changes because there’s no past proof that you’ll survive the transition.

The Ego is At Work When:

– You feel extreme fear or start to SELF-SABOTAGE when you make changes.
– You feel EXHAUSTED after conversations: an attempt to project an image of you it thinks gets approval.

Being run by the Ego Self looks/feels like:

• Uncertainty about our wants or intense resistance to pursuing our dreams.
• Indecision & procrastination.
• Hyper-vigilance to criticism & the perception you’re not enough or “disregarded.”
• Isolating – because you abandon your True Self for a false one & relationships suffer.

• Tiring needing to prove you are good enough to earn love and value.
• Labelling or putting others down by aggressively asserting your beliefs.
• Confusion from not knowing who you are while fluctuating between uncertainty & (false) self-elation.
• Self-oriented; preserving the Self is more important than other people.
• Different beliefs become a threat because accepting that different is ok implies our opinions may be wrong.

True Self VS Ego Self:

1.  Sensitive to criticism:
The EGO must be correct to survive & so is afraid to be wrong.  A different opinion or disagreement feels threatening to an unmanaged ego.

It responds to otherwise minor disagreements as though its life is on the line because it is.  Any threat to the status quo is a threat to the ego’s existence.

The TRUE SELF, by comparison, knows its worth is inherent and exists without requiring others to agree.  Disagreements are not a threat because self-value isn’t rooted in external validation.  The True Self accepts others’ opinions without personalizing them.

2.  Labelling Others & Accepting Differences:
The EGO-SELF can’t accept different beliefs because if others are correct, we could be wrong.  So it will label & judge others or put them down to keep itself/us lifted higher.

TRUE SELF doesn’t label anyone.  It sees different opinions as the result of someone’s experiences distinct from ours.  Diverse beliefs are neutral and don’t feel threatening to our safety.

3.  Self Focus and Others Focus:
The EGO is self-oriented & preserving the Self takes priority over our relationships or the feelings of others.

On the other hand, the TRUE SELF can recognize the worth of others.  Therefore, we can value what others think and feel without threatening our importance.

4.  Integrity:
The EGO-driven Self regularly abandons their ideas to become someone other people will approve of.  This is because it needs to prove we are good enough to earn love and value.

The TRUE SELF maintains its integrity and doesn’t change to fit the occasion.  Its worth is independent of approval and exists without effort & its value doesn’t require others to agree with us.

What True Self feels like:

• Able to freely enjoy & connect with what WE LOVE.
• Acceptance of others’ opinions without personalizing them.
• Maintaining our integrity by being true to the Self, independent of approval.
• We know our worth is inherent, not earned & our worth exists without effort.

• Our sense of Self isn’t rooted in external approval of our opinions & doesn’t require others to agree with us.
• Accompanied by a feeling of openness & grounded self-worth.
• We recognize the worth of others.  We can value what others think & feel without it threatening our importance.
• See different beliefs neutrally due to different experiences, not a reflection of worth.  Thus we don’t have to defend our beliefs by putting down theirs.

It is exhausting to be ego-driven: you are always putting up a false front or are on guard looking for a threat.

INSTEAD, Learn to appreciate yourself:

Get to know what you value and enjoy.  Then, choose to spend time in those areas instead of ones that deplete your resources.

Instead of being driven by insecurity & self-doubt, drive Yourself by directing your attention to those areas that light you up.

Forget about what lights others up.

Forget about creating something to gain something else.  Just create.  Be You.

This is not to say we become self-focused; the opposite is true.  True-Self orientation means we can be Self AND others’ focused.

We’re better able to give once we’ve learned what we LOVE TO GIVE.

 

Related Articles:
The POWER of Perspective Change

7 Ways To Start Feeling Better About Yourself.

Accept The Things You Cannot Change.

How To Stop Stressing About The Future.

Make Confident Choices & Stop Regretting So Much!