We never know what’s coming & struggle to accept the present; LETTING GO of what’s in the future. 

We ‘know’ we can’t control the future…but often act as though we can, by working harder or moving faster.

Kind of like walking in the mist, we WANT TO KNOW WHAT IS NEXT.

Sometimes the mist is heavy & hides the obstacle in front of us. Sometimes we lose our way & other times we see clearly.

We may try to AVOID what’s ahead by veering off the path or try to SEE what’s coming by running to get ‘there’ quicker.  But usually, we don’t accomplish anything other than tripping or getting lost.  I trip and get lost a lot when I’m rushing.  

But when you PATIENTLY stand still…& let things BE what they are, some space to CHOOSE your actions, reactions, perceptions, and feelings opens up.

Letting go – the impact:

1. You feel what you don’t feel when you are rushing (yes, rushing is a way to avoid what we feel). 
2. You permit vulnerability & softness. 
3. You accept uncertainty more easily.
4. You feel more space and more peace.

Acceptance begins by asking – am I willing to give away some control?

Attaching to something we don’t control drains the energy we COULD have spent on something we can impact.  Acceptance, on the other hand, builds our confidence to use our energy on things in which we can SEE measurable changes. 

When we put our resources into something we can’t affect, it DIS-empowers us. 

The empowering option is to compassionately release your need to control by asking:

Questions For Your Need To Control  

1. How many times has “control” or worry produced the effect I wanted?
2. What effect is this having on my relationships?
3. If I look back, how often has worry or control changed an outcome?
4. How does this strategy make me feel about myself?
5. Is this how I want to keep feeling?

My personal ‘letting go’

There’s at least one place that’s harder than others to ‘let go,’ mine is situations that involve belonging.

When in one of those situations, my brain will anxiously try to figure out a solution to my interpretation of events so I don’t have to feel the sadness they’re bringing up.

This ultimately makes me more anxious & angry.

When we avoid feelings by “fixing” in this way, we covertly tell our brains that feeling is dangerous.  It may sound something like this:  “You can’t let this feeling in.  You may be stuck in it if you let yourself feel it.  Just try harder & ignore it & control yourself…”

But, when you patiently let yourself feel sad, you can soothe the pain and not get anxious.  It’s not so scary, the story your mind is telling you about it, is worse than the emotion itself.

By accepting discomfort, you can slow things down enough to choose how you want to respond to it.

That results in feeling less anger or fear.

Yes. It is scary.  We think if we stop “controlling” everything, our lives will fall apart, so we hold onto our “controlling” strategies to stay safe.

But does it feel safer?

How good do you feel trying to micro-manage the events in your life or the lives of others?  Do you feel happier or safer?

What if a change is truly necessary?

Even then, letting the unpleasant event “be” what it is, is NOT the same as enduring it or suffering its existence.

Acceptance doesn’t mean a lack of change.

You can still change the things you want to, set goals & keep achieving, but you’ll do it with less fear about the outcome.

Until you get the change you want, acceptance means you let your current unwanted experience simply Belong. 

Instead of resisting or getting angry at where you are, you’ll spend more energy creating what you want with less attachment to whether it works out, and more excitement just to see if it will. 

This way, life becomes a game, not a measure of your worth or ability.

But if I accept “what is,” won’t I be STUCK here?

We think that accepting our circumstances disincentivizes us to change them, but is criticizing yourself or over-working inspiring change? 

Change involves pain and discomfort, but we can’t suffer or beat ourselves into change.  

Shame & blame make moving forward difficult, take longer & won’t provide change that lasts.  

Two Types of Motivation

There are two kinds of motivation: moving toward something & away from something.  Our brains prefer to move toward something.

Moving Away:  Shaming ourselves is a moving-away motivation:  When you say, “I shouldn’t do that.” the incentive is to move away from something.
Moving Toward:  When you say, “I prefer to do this.” the incentive is to move toward something.  That shift in your focus is just the type of motivation that moves us forward & motivates your brain into action for longer periods of time.

Resisting or judging ourselves for our circumstances results in those feelings hanging on tighter or yelling louder to get our attention.  It’s a cliche, but the truth is what we resist persists.  

Take it to the Trees:

My father taught me how to have patience through communicating with nature. When we were in the woods, he taught me to stop and listen to hear what I couldn’t hear before. Stop and look so I could see what I couldn’t see before.

I still learn from those moments.  

When I want to speed through life or get ahead or get even, I stop and listen. I create space for wonder about myself, my responses, and my surroundings. I CAN SEE AND HEAR AGAIN. Wiser words and wiser choices become available & I know then that I’ve tapped into the wisdom of acceptance.

THE MORE WE SLOW DOWN & EXPAND OUR VISION, THE MORE WE CAN CONNECT WITH OUR ABILITY.  We place vast limits on our intellect when we control, endure, rush or resist.

“AS YOU SLOW DOWN, THE PATH AHEAD WILL BECOME CLEARER &
YOUR IDEA OF ONE RIGHT WAY WILL DISSOLVE INTO THE MIST.”

Facing The Fear of Letting Go

We associate letting go of the need to know with fear, yet we never ‘knew’ anything for certain in the first place.  

We think resisting what is or controlling what is to come (which we aren’t) keeps us from being harmed, but it’s actually keeping us from being free.  

We think of patience as a burden, yet it frees us from our burden.  It is a virtue, not in moralistic terms, but rather in a practical way.  Patience is the ADVANTAGE we give ourselves of just noticing – without judgment – & being right where we are.

Patience lights the path in front of us.  Every time we practise letting go, we put down a heavy burden.  “Good” & “Bad” become neutralized.

Layer by layer, keep taking off your need to know and step more slowly & purposefully more often.

🎁 A GIFT: 
If you want to stay connected & learn more ways to produce thoughts that heal, not hurt you, click the link here to:  Unravel Your Exhausted Mind   🎁

Check out:
Articles on why we crave control:  Understanding Control

Other Related Articles:
Accept The Things You Cannot Change.

Why I Write a Blog. Full Community, Fears & Gratitude.

Sneaky Ways Fear is Holding You Back. 6 Ways To Face Your Fears

Make Confident Choices & Stop Regretting So Much!