The REAL source of your beliefs behind People-Pleasing, Overthinking & any patterns you can’t change:
In this article, you’ll learn:
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What unconscious beliefs are and where they come from
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How these hidden beliefs shape people-pleasing and overthinking
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Why certain emotional patterns are hard to change, even when we know better
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How to begin identifying and shifting the deeper patterns that keep you stuck
What’s causing your beliefs behind people-pleasing and overthinking?
When we talk about beliefs, most of us think of the conscious kind, ideas we can put into words like, “I believe in staying optimistic,” or “I believe people deserve kindness.”
But patterns that feel harder to shift (like saying yes when we want to say no, or spiraling in self-doubt) are often from unconscious beliefs behind people-pleasing and overthinking & are quietly running the show.
In psychology, we often call these deeper beliefs schemas.
Schemas are beliefs that don’t live in the thinking mind. They’re stored deeper—in the emotional and protective parts of our brain—and they can shape our responses before we even realize what’s happening.
In many ways, these deeper beliefs drive the bus, even when we’re not aware they’re in the driver’s seat.
The Unconscious Beliefs Behind People-Pleasing and Overthinking
These aren’t just abstract ideas—they’re survival strategies. Schemas form early, usually in childhood, as we make sense of our emotional environment.
If a child grows up with emotionally unpredictable caregivers, they might form a schema that says, “If I stay agreeable and take care of others’ feelings, I’ll be safe.” Or, “If I analyze every detail and don’t make mistakes, maybe I’ll stay connected.”
These unconscious beliefs don’t feel like thoughts—they feel like truth. And they show up in patterns like:
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Saying yes when we’re overwhelmed
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Obsessing over how others perceived an interaction
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Avoiding conflict at all costs
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Mentally rehearsing conversations, trying to get it “right”
How These Patterns Are Trying to Protect You
Even though people-pleasing and overthinking can feel exhausting, they often begin as protective responses. The unconscious belief might be:
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“If I say no, I’ll be rejected.”
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“If I don’t anticipate every possible outcome, something bad will happen.”
These aren’t flaws—they’re adaptations. But what once helped us survive can eventually limit our ability to connect, express ourselves, or rest.
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Why Addressing Unconscious Beliefs Matters
Most therapeutic approach focuses on changing our conscious thoughts. But the unconscious beliefs behind people-pleasing and overthinking live deeper than logic.
That’s why we can know something intellectually—“I have the right to set boundaries”—but still feel frozen or guilty when we try to do it.
Working with these deeper layers involves identifying the schema itself, understanding where it came from, and creating new internal pathways that are more aligned with the truth of who we are now.
Mapping Your Own Unconscious Beliefs
Schema work often begins by identifying two parts:
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The felt danger – what your nervous system learned to protect you from.
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The learned solution – the strategy you used to stay emotionally safe.
For example:
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Felt danger: If I disappoint someone, I’ll be abandoned.
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Learned solution: Say yes to everything and avoid conflict.
By bringing curiosity and language to these patterns, we begin to loosen their grip.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken—You’re Patterned
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Broken—You’re PatternedI often remind my clients: This is not who you are, it’s a pattern. See the pattern not the person.
If you’ve been stuck in people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, or overthinking, know this: you’re not broken. You’re running strategies that once made sense. The unconscious beliefs behind people-pleasing and overthinking may have served a purpose once—but now, you get to choose what serves you going forward.
Connect with me for deeper training to loosen these beliefs and be free. Or just connect to ask a question. I’m here to help.
Some people require only one or two Kickstart sessions to inspire them in the direction they want to go. If you feel stuck & frustrated, don’t delay – book a session with Tess René Coaching today.💛
