We believe it’s relaxing to “do nothing,” but being relaxed is not only lying on the beach or doing nothing…
IN THIS ARTICLE, I’ll teach you the skills you need to learn HOW to be relaxed with simple methods to reduce tension like:
- Becoming aware.
- What intentional rest is.
- Shiny Object Syndrome.
- Cognitive Distancing.
- Taking Action on Rest.
- Slowing down.
- Compartmentalizing tasks.
Table of Contents
1. Become Aware Of The Noise.
The average work session is about 11 minutes before your work is interrupted, or you give up on it.
Emails, meetings, etc… the list of intrusions is unending, the problem is, that we aren’t aware they are OPTIONAL.
Interruptions are so insidious we’ve become habituated to their presence. We don’t see them as interruptions now, just the “way things are.”
Technology has improved our quality of life, but not the quality of our minds.
For our mental health, it’s critical to question the interruptions.
If we passively consent to each new app, or tech presence, we aren’t actively deciding which we’ll use, how often, or IF they serve us. Eventually, burnout can result as a consequence.
Amid noise, remember what you HAVE to care for, your body & state of mental wellness.👇🏻
2. HOW Intentional Rest is Different Than Doing Nothing.
If you often say: “I want to feel peaceful in my body” often the response will be to escape whatever is causing less peace. We might zone out or use TV, alcohol… to escape.
However, doing nothing is not rest because often, it’s an escape from exhaustion or DISSOCIATING from stress, neither of which ‘Functionally Rests‘ our brains.
Functional rest is both 1. intentional and 2. not Overindulgent.
💌 Psst, … want to take this beyond the screen?
Relaxation isn’t about zoning out — it’s about teaching your nervous system what true rest feels like.
I created a free guide: 7 Days of Nervous System Care to help you do exactly that.Inside you’ll get gentle daily practices (5 minutes or less) to:
✨ Quiet mental chatter
✨ Reset your body from stress
✨ Start feeling rested without guilt
1. REST IS INTENTIONAL: It’s not another thing to do on the checklist—it’s absorbing and fully attending the moment, wherever that is for you.
Calm your nervous system naturally: To intentionally rest, look into the distance – at the sky, your backyard, or a tree. Indulge all of your senses in the smells, sights & sounds around you. Let your mind wander into that space for 5 minutes…that’s functional rest. It differs from ESCAPE because it’s intentional.
This includes watching something on Netflix for one show/movie – indulge in it. It’s not a rest if you are distracted the whole time. So fully laugh, cry or scream through one show. Let yourself BE somewhere else.
When your mind wanders off to work, gently bring it back to what you’re watching or experiencing. Let yourself be absorbed by gentle focus & the journey, not rigid attention.
2. REST IS NOT OVER INDULGENT: a treat can become a burden if we overindulge it. For example, Netflix for 30 minutes is enough to recharge me, but when I veg. out for hours, I walk away feeling like a zombie.
EXPLORE MORE – Sometimes we rush to earn our worth, discover how to → build TRUE self-worth on a solid foundation – no rushing.
3. ALICE! Beware The Rabbit Hole.
The rabbit hole is the shiny object that distracts you while doing something else. It’s the gift that promises but never delivers.
Go in, Get what you need & Get Out. This is my husband’s approach to shopping. I however can wander the aisles distracted by shiny objects. Because I know this about myself, I make sure that I walk the aisles intentionally to avoid the rabbit hole.
CHOOSING distraction is different: BUT I can also CHOOSE to be distracted in the aisles because I enjoy it & enjoyment is ALSO rest.
Wandering the aisles purposefully for pleasure, is different than doing so mindlessly.
Our brains get tired when they jump like a bunny from one topic to another.
Lack of attention is a habit-forming behaviour, so noticing & redirecting this habit will help.
To add more time to your day & rest your mind, avoid shiny, tantalizing objects but discern when they are helpful too.
EXPLORE MORE – If your inner critic often tells you you’re failing, exploring → How Real Self-Worth Is built can shift those patterns.
💌 Ready to actually feel calmer, not just think about it?
If stress has been running the show, it’s time to give your body and mind a reset.✨Grab your 7 Days of Regulation free guide here – a simple, soulful toolkit with practices you can use right away to calm your nervous system and create more ease in everyday life.
4. How To Be Relaxed via Cognitive Distancing.
A busy world makes inner peace harder and it’s not only the noise outside. The overstimulation inside your own mind can be just as disruptive. True relaxation begins with what’s happening in your mind, not only around it.
EXPLORE MORE – When your nervous system is overloaded, these gentle practices can help you stop stress before it takes over.
Cognitive Distancing is the skill of noticing anxious thoughts without automatically believing them. Your mind is always chasing three things:
- Answers
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Protection
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To be correct
When you feel anxious, your mind scans for threats so it can “protect” you. That’s useful if real danger is present — but emails, texts, and deadlines aren’t life-or-death situations.
The mind also wants to be right. If the thought is “I’ll never get everything done,” your brain will look for evidence to prove it. And if it can’t find any, it will create a story that confirms it anyway. This cycle reinforces anxiety and rumination, pulling you away from calm and from the clarity needed to solve problems.
Create Distance
The solution isn’t to suppress anxious thoughts but to create distance. Distance gives your mind space to reset and can come through:
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Distraction — shifting your focus temporarily
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Redirection — choosing a more helpful thought or activity
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Physical movement — changing your body state to shift your mental state
Even small moments of distance can interrupt the loop of anxious thinking and return you to a calmer place where solutions, creativity, and genuine rest can surface.
The key is not suppression but distance; through distraction, redirection, or physical movement. That space helps you step out of anxious loops and back into calm.
EXPLORE MORE – Instead of believing every anxious thought, you can learn how to face your fears and build resilience in a grounded way.
5. How to be Relaxed Requires Action.
Our mind likes it when we take action. Action is a signal that we:
- believe in our independent agency,
- ability to create change,
- and covertly tells us that we aren’t stuck where we are.
The next time you are overwhelmed – TTMA:
1. TAKE a breath.
2. TELL yourself/mind: “Ok, there are some things I have to do, but let’s break it down instead of staying angry or scared.”
3. MOVE – Shake your body or have a good cry.
4. Take ACTION – Decide the next best action you can take & try it.
QUESTION your brain’s conclusions: a. how many of those things on the list HAVE to get done? b. What is the definition of “have to” anyway?
If “Has to” means “do it or someone will die,” then yes, you HAVE to, otherwise what is the urgency? Yes, get it done but without the stress.
Don’t blow off responsibility, but moderate the way you approach it.
If this resonates, this is exactly what we’ll work on together 1:1. → Start your healing journey today with a Connection Call.
6. How To Be Relaxed – Write It Down!
Do you ever write how you feel or what you think? It doesn’t have to be a long journaling session that’s unnecessary.
Writing one word to describe your current feeling or thought creates a change in our minds & encourages relaxation. Typing on a screen keeps us moving fast, but writing by hand sends a very different signal to your brain: pay attention, this matters.
When you write long-hand, a few powerful things happen:
Here’s What Happens When We Write (not type) long-hand:
- The act of writing tells your brain that what is going on is important.
- You will act on & remember words that you write down better than words you only think about.
- Writing helps you get a different perspective on the current situation.
- Putting pen to paper forces you to slow down as well as absorb & reflect on more information. In addition, it can open up options you had not considered.
- It reinforces the mind’s understanding of how to be relaxed.
💌 P.S. Want to feel more rested not just “do nothing”?
I’ll send you my free 7 Days of Nervous System Care guide. Inside you’ll find simple daily practices that calm your nervous system in just a few minutes a day.
“This reset my whole week. I finally feel like I can rest instead of collapsing.” — Chloe R.
✍️ Try This: A 3-Step Writing Reset
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Grab a pen and paper. (Yes, actual paper!)
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Write down the thought looping in your head. Don’t edit, just get it out.
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Pause and notice. How does it feel to see it outside of your mind? Do new options or a softer perspective start to show up?
Just a few sentences can be enough to slow your pace, ease your nervous system, and remind your mind what calm feels like.
Tip: After you write the current thought or feeling, follow up by writing the feeling or thought you’d like to have instead. Now you’re beginning to practise neural re-wiring, my friend.
7. How to be relaxed with your TO-DO LIST.
Start by breaking down the list…
My list used to contain 5 things on it at any one time that kept getting pushed to the next day.
Take every “forwarded” item off the list. Now add only ONE of those items per week, so if there are 5 forwarding items, you’ll add one a week for the next 5 weeks—one item, for one week.
Your mind will look at this as a doable request. Admittedly, that list is daunting, but one extra task in one week is not.
If the thought of rest or any task overwhelms you I hear you. Reach out to me at the link further below to ask a question or book a session.👇🏻
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