We believe it’s relaxing to “do nothing,” but being relaxed is not only lying on the beach or doing nothing…

IN THIS ARTICLE, I’ll teach you the skills you need to learn HOW to be relaxed:

1. Becoming aware.
2. What intentional rest is.
3. Shiny Object Syndrome.
4. Cognitive Distancing.
5. Taking Action on Rest.
6. Slowing down.
7. Compartmentalizing tasks.

1.  Become Aware Of The Noise.

The average work session is about 11 minutes before your work is interrupted, or you give up on it.

Emails, meetings, calls, etc… the list of intrusions is unending. The problem is, that we aren’t aware of their presence.

Interruptions are so insidious we’ve become habituated to their presence.  We don’t see them as interruptions now, just the “way things are.”

Technology has improved our quality of life, but not the quality of our minds.

For our mental health, it’s critical to question the interruptions.

Each year, a new platform is added to our lives.  If we passively consent to their presence, we aren’t actively deciding which ones we’ll use or how often we’ll use them.  Eventually, burnout can result as a consequence.

Amid noise, remember what you HAVE to care for, your body & state of mental wellness.

2.  HOW Intentional Rest is Different Than Doing Nothing.

Doing nothing is not rest because often, it’s ESCAPING from exhaustion or DISSOCIATING from stress & neither ‘Functionally Rests‘ our brains.

Functional rest is both 1. intentional and 2. not OVERindulgent.

1. REST IS INTENTIONAL: It’s not another thing to do on the checklist—it’s absorbing and fully attending the moment, wherever that is for you.

FOR EXAMPLE: To intentionally rest, look into the distance – at the sky, your backyard, or a tree. Indulge all of your senses in the smells, sights & sounds around you. Let your mind wander into that space for 5 minutes…that’s functional rest.  It differs from ESCAPE because it’s intentional.

This includes watching something on Netflix for one show/movie – indulge in it.  It’s not a rest if you are distracted the whole time.  So fully laugh, cry or scream through one show.  Let yourself BE somewhere else.

When your mind wanders off to work, gently bring it back to what you’re watching or experiencing.  Let yourself be absorbed by gentle focus & the journey, not rigid attention.

2. REST IS NOT OVER INDULGENT: a treat can become a burden if we overindulge it. For example, Netflix for 30 minutes is enough to recharge me, but when I veg. out for hours, I walk away feeling like a zombie.

3.  ALICE!  Beware The Rabbit Hole.

Example of the rabbit hole:
Tess during a writing session:

– “What’s a better word for ‘creates’?”
–  2 minutes: finding synonym for “creates”.
–  45 minutes: watching Michael Jackson dance.

The rabbit hole is the shiny object that distracts you while doing something else.  It’s the gift that promises but never delivers.

Go in, Get what you need & Get Out.  This is my husband’s approach to shopping. I however can wander the aisles distracted by shiny objects.  Because I know this about myself, I make sure that I walk the aisles intentionally to avoid the rabbit hole.

CHOOSING distraction is different:  BUT I can also CHOOSE to be distracted because I enjoy it & enjoyment is ALSO rest. I can wander the aisles purposefully for pleasure, that’s different than doing so mindlessly.

Our brains get tired when they jump like a bunny from one topic to another. Lack of attention is a habit-forming behaviour, so noticing & redirecting this habit will help.

To add more time to your day & rest your mind, avoid shiny, tantalizing objects but discern when they are helpful too.

4.  Use Cognitive Distancing to Learn How To Be Relaxed.

A consequence of having a lot of external stimulation is difficulty creating INTERNAL peace.

We need to be aware of the overstimulation INSIDE our minds as well as out.

Learning to relax begins with what is going on IN your mind, not only around it.

The environment WILL stay busy – our work is to rise above the noise & create calm in our minds & bodies so that whatever happens around us (that we don’t control), we can find peace in the place we CAN impact – or can learn to.

Cognitive distancing is learning to accept your anxious thoughts & see them as options, not truths.  Your mind is always looking for 3 things:

1. Answers.
2. Protection.
3. To Be Correct.

When you feel anxious, hyper-aware or activated, your mind starts looking for ANSWERS.  It believes that anxiety is a signal of danger it will look for it to PROTECT you or avoid it.

This is supportive if there is danger ahead, but emails, texts & work are not actual danger, & a protective/defensive/avoidant state won’t help.

Whatever you think or feel, your mind wants to prove you right & it will find a way to BE CORRECT.

If your thought patterns often are: “I HAVE to finish ALL these things, how terrible that is, how slow I am and why does everything fall on my shoulders.” type-of-thoughts, your brain will find the evidence to prove you right.

And it will make it up if it doesn’t find it organically.

It will find evidence you are unfairly treated, how terrible everything is & why you should be overwhelmed.  Your response to believe those thoughts & focus on them reinforces the thought & the feeling it creates.

Things may be terrible or even dangerous but ruminating takes you into anxiety and out of a relaxed state in which you could find creative solutions, (AND closer to the truth of who you are).

Employ some distance from fear thoughts – NOT suppression – Distance.  Distance is:

1. distraction,
2. redirection, or
3. physical movement.

5.  How to be Relaxed Requires Action.

Our mind likes it when we take action.  Action is a signal that we:

• believe in our independent agency,
• ability to create change,
• and covertly tells us that we aren’t stuck where we are.

The next time you are overwhelmed 1. TAKE a breath.  2. TELL yourself/mind: “Ok, there are some things I have to do, but let’s break it down instead of staying angry or scared.”  3. MOVE – Shake your body or have a good cry.  4. Take ACTION – Decide the next best action you can take & try it.

QUESTION your brain’s conclusions:  a. how many of those things on the list HAVE to get done?  b. What is the definition of “have to” anyway?  If “Has to” means “do it or someone will die,” then yes, you HAVE to, otherwise what is the urgency? Get it done but without the stress.

I’m not saying blow off responsibility, but add moderation into the urgent way you approach it.

6.  Write Things Down & Learn How To Be Relaxed.

Do you ever write how you feel or what you think?  It doesn’t have to be a long journalling session that’s unnecessary.

Writing one word to describe your current feeling or thought creates a change in our minds & encourages relaxation.

Follow that up by writing the feeling or thought you’d like to be having instead & you’re beginning to practise neural re-wiring, my friend.

Here’s What Happens When We Write:

• The act of writing tells your brain that what is going on is important.
• You will act on & remember words that you write down better than words you only think about.
• Writing helps you get a different perspective on the current situation.
• Putting pen to paper forces you to slow down as well as absorb & reflect on more information. In addition, it can open up options you had not considered. 
• It reinforces the mind’s understanding of how to be relaxed. 

7.  Divorce Your List.

When I say “divorce,” I mean split it up.  My list, for example, used to contain 5 things on it at any one time that kept getting pushed to the next day.

Take every “forwarded” item off the list. Now add only ONE of those items per week, so if there are 5 forwarding items, you’ll add one a week for the next 5 weeks—one item, for one week.

Your mind will look at this as a doable request. Admittedly, that list is daunting, but one extra task in one week is not.

If the thought of rest or any task overwhelms you I hear you.  Reach out to me at the link below to book a session.

 

RELATED POSTS:
Confidence Boosters That Reform Your Thinking
This is Why You Quit Your Healthy Goals
Accept The Things You Cannot Change.

YOUR TURN:
Let me know in the comments below what your functional rest ideas are.  We learn best when we learn from each other…

A GIFT: 
If you want to stay connected & learn more ways to produce thoughts that heal, not hurt you, click the link here to:  Unravel Your Negative Thoughts:  An Intentional Thoughts Guide.