Accepting What is. This post is a foundation guide about accepting what is happening in your life right now & how acceptance gives you more power & less vulnerability.
Your body remembers what the mind forgets. This guide helps you reconnect with body-based practices.
Table of Contents
1. Accepting What Is – Unwanted Thoughts
Your brain is wired for survival, awareness brings freedom.
“How do I stop replaying the past?”
Have you ever just recognized your thoughts? Without reacting to them, judging them, suppressing them? Just noticing.
If you have, you’ve probably seen many more negative than positive ones.
Your brain has a negative bias & that’s why it’s so difficult to think “positively” and so easy to think “negatively” both about the past and the present.
The reason for the negative bias is the need to survive. There was a time when we were tribal beings, dependent on our relationships within the tribe to survive. Without the tribe’s support, we’d perish. Threats existed around each corner. We didn’t have societal governance, police forces or warm homes. We were exposed to threats of danger and the elements.
Before you judge yourself for your negative thoughts, consider this.
For 3 million years, we depended on our status in the tribe VS only 12 thousand years of more independent-styled settlement living.
Give yourself and your ancestral-based thoughts some grace.
Allow your negative thoughts to be with you. Not following them but not fighting them either because what you resist will persist.
Give yourself compassion. Allow the thought to come & leave again, realizing the perception of danger you feel is there for good reason but not based on your current reality.
EXPLORE MORE – Before you judge yourself for negative thoughts, consider how your brain has been shaped by survival instincts. For more on how deep-rooted beliefs shape daily choices, see my guide on → why indecision often traces back to core beliefs
2. Accepting What Is – Unwanted Emotions
Like waves, emotions will move through when you allow them.
This is not what we are used to, but learning to allow our emotions ultimately breeds a sense of hope, not hopelessness.
We are afraid to allow what we feel because we think those feelings will swallow us whole.
THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE:
- All emotions are energy. When we make space in our bodies to feel & to allow emotion, it creates a sense of compassion for that emotion. The feeling quiets down because it “feels heard.” We feel heard. We also learn how to be with it in a way that doesn’t take us completely out of our conscious, rational thinking minds.
- We can’t hate or suffer ourselves into changing. If we want things to be different within ourselves or reach new goals, we first have to accept where we are with compassion, not hate.
- Accepting what is always precedes change: Learn to appreciate what you like and learn to like yourself.
- Forcing ourselves into change because we don’t like where we are is not sustainable.
- The motive to remove thoughts or habits because we don’t like them is not, on its own, enough to inspire long-term action.
- Sustainable change comes from adding something we love to someone we love, not removing something we hate from someone we don’t love.
No emotion is bad, they feel bad, but they aren’t. They simply are. They are part of where you are right now.
The same applies to our thoughts. When we don’t like what is, we think accepting it will hold us back:
- I don’t like where I work or live.
- I don’t like my habits.
- I don’t like the thoughts in my mind.
- I don’t even know what I don’t like; I’m just unhappy.
We think:
– “If I accept those things, I’ll be STUCK with them.”
– “I’ll get complacent & not strive for something different.”
However, it is the opposite that’s true; change is easier when you accept what you don’t like about the current reality.
EXPLORE MORE – We fear emotions will swallow us whole, but they’re simply energy moving through the body. Learning to sit with emotions is part of resilience as explored in my guide to → facing your fears and building resilience
FOR DEEPER EMOTIONAL SUPPORT
3. Accepting What Is – Self-Compassion
Self-compassion creates space to accept reality as it is.
“I fight reality all the time.”
If you catch yourself in this struggle, difficult as it is, let reality BE what it is.
The biggest struggle comes from fighting what you can’t change. In the deeper scheme of things, you are beyond what you experience. There’s a part of you, when you listen quietly, who’s open to acceptance with compassion:
- With Compassion always comes a sense of openness.
- A broader range of emotions & thoughts becomes available to us.
- We become more creative in our solutions to problems.
We begin to see that an undesired experience is one wave on a vast ocean of other experiences. It’s not our whole experience. Different potential experiences suddenly come online, and what once looked like a tidal wave becomes a ripple in a sea of choices & opportunities.
When You’re Tired of Going It Alone…
Acceptance gets easier with the right support.
“Tess helped me calm my nervous system to find lasting change & focus again.” — Cindy S.
4. The Time Acceptance Takes
Accepting what is takes time & patience and this allows change to unfold.
t takes time to shift into this new perspective. At first it feels uncomfortable, almost wrong, and that’s natural. Discomfort is part of the change process.
It’s especially tough when life doesn’t go the way we hoped. We carry quiet expectations that if we work hard, we’ll be rewarded. When that doesn’t happen, disappointment often turns inward and we blame ourselves.
But here’s the truth: we don’t actually control the outcome. There are countless factors shaping what happens. Even when we give our best, the final result isn’t fully in our hands.
So what if, instead of pouring our energy into outcomes we can’t control, we shifted our focus?
What if we softened our expectations of what should be, and placed more attention on how we show up in the process?
When the focus becomes how you live, your effort, presence, and integrity, rather than what you achieve, something shifts:
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You begin to find calm in the present.
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You build resilience and peace, even when things don’t unfold as planned.
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You feel pride in your efforts, which helps your nervous system settle instead of spiralling into stress.
Acceptance practices aren’t about giving up they’re about choosing mindfulness and surrender, creating space for peace to grow. From that space, outcomes become easier to release, and you can meet life as it is, with more steadiness and compassion.
EXPLORE MORE – Acceptance is not instant, it unfolds with patience. many of the best breakthroughs come through body-based healing, like those I share in → somatic practices for inner child healing
5. Letting go of how it should be
When things don’t go the way we planned, it’s natural to resist reality. We ask ourselves, “Why is it so hard to accept what I can’t change?” But the shift comes when we stop wrestling with what’s fixed and instead focus on what’s flexible.
You can:
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pivot toward a new goal,
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move at a different pace,
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or find another way to meet the need behind your original plan.
When you release the grip of expectation and allow yourself to be in the experience, something surprising happens:
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You gain more influence over your emotional state.
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The process becomes more enjoyable, because it’s no longer tied to one rigid outcome.
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The present moment opens up, because your okay-ness isn’t dependent on things going your way.
Life unfolds not by what we demand, but by what is. Acceptance practices anchored in surrender, peace, and nervous system calm, help us meet reality as it comes.
From there, we can pivot with creativity and strength, finding more opportunities to reach what matters most.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1. Why is it so hard to accept what I can’t change?
A. Resistance feels protective like if you fight reality, you’ll regain control. But resistance drains energy and traps you in stress. Accepting what is, without judgment, brings release and calm. If intense emotions are a frequent experience, I explore ways to → stop intense emotions from overwhelming you ← right here.
Q2. How does acceptance help my nervous system?
A. Acceptance lowers the fight response. When you stop battling what’s happening, your body can shift into safety, lowering cortisol and calming your nervous system. The APA explains more on → mind-body benefits of acceptance
Done With Doing It Alone…
If you’ve read this far, you probably know acceptance isn’t easy especially when your body and mind feel at odds. That’s where support makes the difference. You don’t have to figure it out on your own.
In a private consult, I’ll help you create safe, body-based ways to practise acceptance that last without shutting down or forcing yourself to “just be positive.” If resistance is draining you, let’s work together to make peace and change. Book your consult today.
