One of the clearest signs of perfectionism is not working hard! More so, it quietly convinces you to delay, overthink, or even freeze instead of moving forward.
On the surface it can look like ambition or high standards, but underneath it often hides self-doubt and fear.
That’s why perfectionism doesn’t only drive people to overachieve; it can also keep you stuck, underachieving, or avoiding goals altogether. Both extremes leave the same mark: exhaustion, self-criticism, and a constant sense that you’re not enough.
When you begin to recognise these warning signs of perfectionism, you can start shifting how you respond. Instead of letting it hold you back, you can build self-worth that isn’t tied to flawless performance.
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The Hidden Signs of Perfectionism
We often picture perfectionism as striving to do everything exceptionally well. But the truth is more complex. Perfectionism is also marked by behaviours you might not expect; ones that keep you frozen as much as they keep you busy.
If you’ve ever found yourself quitting before you start, missing deadlines, or drifting without clear goals, those can all be warning signs of perfectionism. Chronic lateness, procrastination, avoidance, or even underachieving can come from the same perfectionist mindset that drives overachieving.
Whether you’re doing too much or too little, perfectionism creates the same stress in the body and mind. It fuels the inner critic, convinces you you’re never enough, and quietly erodes your confidence. The good news? Once you can recognise the signs, you can begin to respond differently, loosen perfectionism’s grip and open the door to genuine growth.
EXPLORE HERE – Perfectionism often hides in our struggle with control. Read Accept the Things You Cannot Change for perspective on letting go with more ease.
When Perfectionism Stops You From Starting
Perfectionism convinces us not to start at all; it feels safer to stall than to risk being imperfect.
Another set of signs of perfectionism shows up when you avoid beginning a goal or leave it behind altogether. Not starting can feel confusing: is it genuine disinterest, or is perfectionism keeping you stuck?
Sometimes the inner dialogue sounds like:
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This will take too long.
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Other people are already doing it better so why should I try?
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I’m not good enough; I’ll fail before I begin.
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This feels too hard; I don’t have the time or skill.
These thoughts aren’t about preference; they’re about protection. Your mind is shielding you from the shame of possible failure. On the other hand, there’s a different kind of not-starting that’s intentional: realising a project isn’t the right fit, feeling glad you tried, and moving on without regret.
The difference lies in clarity. Intentional choices free you. Perfectionism leaves you feeling empty, doubting yourself, and questioning your worth. Knowing which voice you’re listening to is the first step in breaking free.
11 Ways to Recover From Perfectionism
1. Social Reinforcement Addiction
Praise feels good, but when your worth relies on it, perfectionism keeps you chasing approval.
One of the earliest ways perfectionism takes root is through applause. As children, we’re often praised for good grades, tidy rooms, or winning the game. That approval feels safe, so our nervous system learns to chase it. But as adults, chasing constant recognition becomes exhausting.
The signs of perfectionism become subtle: your worth begins to rely on whether others notice. Without the applause, you feel invisible. With it, you feel pressured to keep producing. Either way, joy in the process fades. Perfectionism thrives in that gap tricking you into believing that only external approval proves your value.
Ask yourself: Do I feel good when no one notices my work? Do I enjoy it for me, even in private? These questions reveal where approval has become a substitute for self-worth.
2. Make Mistakes on Purpose
Safe mistakes teach your nervous system that nothing catastrophic happens.
Perfectionism whispers that mistakes are disasters, proof you’re failing. But when you intentionally let yourself be imperfect, you begin to test that belief. Post something unpolished, burn the first batch of muffins, or send an email with a small typo. Mindfully watch that the world doesn’t collapse.
These safe experiments retrain your nervous system and it slowly learns it can relax.
You learn that connection isn’t lost when things go wrong, and that most people don’t notice or care. If someone does criticise, it tells you more about their standards than about your worth. Slowly, your body realises mistakes aren’t threats; they’re proof of growth.
EXPLORE MORE – Learning to let mistakes happen is part of building resilience. → What It Really Means to Build Self-Worth helps you accept imperfections and strengthens confidence.
3. Stop Giving Perfectionism Credit for Your Success
Your resilience shaped your outcomes, not perfectionism’s pressure.
It’s tempting to think, “If I wasn’t so hard on myself, I wouldn’t have achieved what I did.” But that isn’t true. Perfectionism doesn’t fuel resilience — it drains it. What actually carried you here was persistence, creativity, and the courage to keep going when things were tough.
Take a closer look at your story. You didn’t survive years of pressure just because you nit-picked yourself into action. You made it because you kept adapting, solving problems, and showing up. Naming those strengths helps you take back credit where it belongs: in your character, not in perfectionism’s grip.
4. Acknowledge Perfectionism Isn’t Going Away
Accepting perfectionism’s presence gives you freedom; growth comes from meeting it, not erasing it.
Perfectionism is not a bug you can delete; it’s part of being human. That doesn’t mean you’re doomed to suffer under it. Instead, think of it like background noise: sometimes louder, sometimes quieter, always present, but you can choose how much attention you give it.
The more you expect perfectionism to vanish, the more disappointed you’ll feel when it resurfaces. Accepting its presence gives you freedom. Each time it shows up in a new form, you can practise meeting it differently. That ongoing process is what growth looks like: not erasing perfectionism, but outgrowing its control.
5. Take a Goal or Hobby Off the Back Burner
Let practice be playful. The swing matters more than the score.
Perfectionism sidelines joy because it makes everything feel high-stakes. That’s why hobbies gather dust they seem like risks of failure rather than outlets of play. Reclaiming them is powerful.
Choose something light: painting, dancing, journaling, gardening. Start again, not for the outcome but for the process.
When you let yourself enjoy the “messy middle,” your nervous system learns that not everything must be productive or polished. Even ten playful minutes with a hobby teaches you it’s safe to create without measuring results. That freedom chips away at perfectionism’s grip and reminds you that joy is allowed.
EXPLORE MORE – Success isn’t proof of perfectionism; it’s proof of your resilience. Read Face Your Fears: 6 Ways to Build Emotional Resilience to uncover how hidden fear feeds this belief.
6. Share Your Struggles With Perfectionism
Sharing your story makes perfectionism lighter to carry.
Perfectionism thrives in secrecy. Left unspoken, it convinces you that you’re uniquely flawed. But when you share your struggles with someone you trust, you hear your own fears echoed back. Suddenly, what felt shameful becomes human.
Talking about your perfectionism makes it easier to catch in real time. An accountability partner or coach can gently point out when you’re being too hard on yourself. That outside perspective keeps perfectionism from sliding back in unnoticed. Sharing isn’t weakness, it’s a way of breaking the spell that perfectionism casts in silence.
Sharing your struggles removes shame. You discover you’re not broken; you’re human.
7. Know the Motive Behind Perfectionism
Perfectionism often whispers its true motive protecting us from shame, rejection, or loss of connection.
Perfectionism often shows up as pride or competitiveness, but at its core it’s protection. Pride says, “If I’m on top, I won’t be hurt.” Competitiveness whispers, “If I keep winning, I won’t lose love.” These motives aren’t arrogance — they’re fear wearing armour.
When you recognise the protective motive, the inner tone changes. Instead of criticising yourself for being “too much,” you can notice the part of you trying to keep you safe. That part deserves care, not punishment. Meeting it with compassion reduces its grip, and allows you to choose healthier ways to feel secure.
Instead of pressuring yourself to “get over it,” see the protective part of you that’s trying to keep you safe. That part needs care, not criticism.
When you can see perfectionism’s true motive, the pressure to “fix yourself” softens and you create space for kinder patterns to grow. I made you 2 gifts to support more space in you right here…
– Your Gifts –
If you notice perfectionism whisper in your ear, this is the moment to practise responding differently. To support you, I’ve created two free resources:
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7 Days of Regulation — a light, practical series of daily nervous system tools you can try in just minutes a day.
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Unravel Your Exhausted Mind — a comprehensive guide and step-by-step framework to quiet overthinking and reconnect with your authentic self.
Choose Your Next Adventure; both await you here:
8. Recognise What Love Is
Love is steady acceptance, not conditional applause.
Perfectionism blurs the line between admiration and love. Being admired feels rewarding, but admiration depends on performance and it can vanish the moment you stumble.
Real love doesn’t work that way. It’s not conditional applause; it’s the steady presence of someone who accepts you as you are.
When you confuse admiration with love, you push yourself to keep performing just to “earn” connection. But true belonging comes from honesty, vulnerability, and imperfection. The relationships that last are the ones where you’re free to drop the mask. That’s the difference: admiration pressures, love sustains.
Love is acceptance, not applause. When you see this, performance loses its grip on your worth.
EXPLORE MORE – Lasting love is rooted in acceptance, not performance. See this overview from the American Psychological Association on how perfectionism affects mental health.
9. Dare to Keep Trying
Courage grows in the messy reps, not the flawless run.
Perfectionism whispers: “Don’t start unless you can guarantee success.” But waiting until you’re flawless guarantees nothing changes. Daring to try — again and again — is how growth happens. Every attempt, even awkward or messy, builds confidence that perfectionism cannot touch.
Resilience grows through imperfect practice. Drafts, experiments, conversations that don’t go smoothly all of it counts. Each time you keep showing up, you prove to yourself that your worth isn’t tied to results. The courage to try, not the outcome, is what reshapes your story.
Resilience grows when you stop aiming for flawless outcomes and instead commit to trying again.
10. Learn to Clarify, Not Explain
Say it once with clarity and resist the urge to defend your choice.
Over-explaining is a perfectionist reflex. You feel you owe everyone a justification for your choices, as if clarity alone isn’t enough. But every extra explanation drains your authority and leaves you second-guessing yourself.
Practise saying things once, clearly, and leaving them to stand. Trust that your words are enough. You don’t need to hand over your worth by over-qualifying everything you do. Clarity also reduces the chance of anger or defensiveness coming through. Like over-explaining, defensiveness shows up when we feels our worth is on the line.
Clarifying with authority practice may feel uncomfortable at first, but with repetition it becomes natural. Clarity builds confidence in ways explaining and defense never can.
Try a week of catching yourself before you explain. Replace it with a clear, short statement. Notice the relief that comes with trusting your voice.
11. Practise Intentionally
Intentional practice begins with awareness, through small questions.
Perfectionism pulls you into autopilot: the silent rules that tell you “don’t try, it won’t be good enough.” Breaking those rules requires intentional practice, like choosing to act differently even when the inner critic protests as well as intentional introspection, as well as asking yourself why these beliefs about performance are valid.
Introspective questions illuminate self-awareness by seeing whether your current beliefs about ‘doing well’ and success actually stand up under the spotlight.
Questions to ask yourself:
- Why aren’t I allowed to make mistakes like other humans?
- What do I avoid doing because it won’t be good enough?
- Do I ever try for “trying’s sake?”
- What can I do tomorrow without planning how?
Make a list of what you’d like to try and pick the easiest thing you can do. Each intentional act builds trust in yourself and chips away at perfectionism’s hold.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q1 What are common signs of perfectionism?
They include procrastination, underachieving, quitting before you start, chronic lateness, and overworking to earn approval.
Q2 Why do I freeze instead of starting projects?
Freezing is a perfectionist defence against shame or failure. Your mind is protecting you, not reflecting your true capacity.
Q3 How can I begin to overcome perfectionism?
Start small: allow mistakes, share your struggles, and practise clarity instead of over-explaining. Each small act weakens perfectionism’s grip.
It’s easy to feel trapped by perfectionism, as though freedom is only possible if you “get it all right.” But healing begins when you allow yourself to be human — to make space for trying, learning, and connecting without the constant pressure of flawless performance.
Ready to Step Out of Perfectionism’s Shadow?
If you’re tired of being held back by self-criticism and doubt, this is your invitation to practise new patterns with support. Together we can quiet the inner critic, strengthen your self-worth, and help you create confidence that lasts.
